


Double Down

by soliari



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - combined Troll/Human Earth, F/M, Gambling, Illustrated, Pale Romance | Moirallegiance, secret agent rose lalonde
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-25
Updated: 2012-06-25
Packaged: 2017-11-08 12:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,831
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/443092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soliari/pseuds/soliari
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Team Charge, Inc., a detective agency, infiltrate a casino in an attempt to help Terezi Pyrope take down Vriska Serket.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Double Down

They have been far, far too lazy about filing the case reports, Aradia decides, when she looks at the stacks of folders that threaten to gulf the squat filing cabinets they're supposed to be inside. "Tavros," Aradia calls, "the next time I want to just leave a stack of folders out, don't let me!"

"I never let you leave folders out," Tavros points out from the next room, "you just, um, ignore me telling you not to leave them out and do it anyway..."

That much is true, Aradia remembers, and she stands to lean into the doorway from the storeroom to the main office to smile winningly at him and maybe bat her eyelashes a few times. Tavros seems unappreciative, and then his lips quirk up. "Can you man the office while I file paperwork?" Aradia asks. 

Tavros waves her off, so Aradia turns to duck back into the storeroom. Nearly as soon as she's settled down on the floor, legs crossed at the ankle, to begin alphabetizing things, the front door to _Team Charge, Inc._ swings wide open, slamming against the wall in the entryway and rattling the glass. There's only one person in the world who opens their front door so forcefully, and Aradia scurries to her feet, brushing her fingers over her skirt, to greet District Attorney Terezi Pyrope.

"Terezi, hi," Aradia says, and Tavros echoes her. Terezi grins at them both, and with a click-click-click of her boots, slides into Aradia's unoccupied chair.

"Hello, Team Charge," Terezi says, "I'd love to say I'm here for fun--like, say, a Fiduspawn match, I've been working on my skills with Nepeta, Tavros, I will visit vengeance on you soon enough!--but, sadly, I am here on business."

"You're the DA," Aradia says, "you're a Legislacerator, too! What do you need a pair of private investigators for?"

"It's _because_ I'm the DA that I'm here," Terezi says, putting her feet up on the desk. "I am being stonewalled at every front! Vriska and Eridan are paying everyone off, so evidence I _know_ is there if they'd just let me get a good whiff of it is missing! Hanging the entire department is next on my list of things to do--" Terezi launches suddenly to her feet; the subject of Vriska always energizes her--"but the only way to take Vriska down for good is to prove a connection to Ampora, and I can't do it myself. Which is why I'm here, talking to you!"

"So, what, you want us to find some connection? Proof? _How?_ "

"I'm glad you asked," Terezi says, "I hope you have your swag ready, because you're going gambling. Ampora's casino is mob-backed, but I'm not going after him just yet. His justice awaits, but first! First I want you two to get into contact with Zahhak and darling little Karkat!"

Aradia wilts when Terezi says 'Zahhak', but then her face splits into a smile. "We'd be happy to help you take down Vriska," she decides.

"Aradia," Tavros says, warning weighting her name. Aradia sighs.

"Yes, Tavros, I'll try not to throttle her if I catch sight of her greasy face."

"I understand that she is very hard to deal with, and, uh, that you feel you have to fight with her after the events of our wrigglerhood, and that you think she disrespects me a lot and it hurts your moirail honor, and also that she likes to especially antagonize you because she has a black crush on you, but if you burst into her partner's casino talking about how much you hate her, that will, uh, make being stealthy private investigators a very hard thing to do," he continues.

Terezi's smiling by the end of it. "So you'll do it!" she summarizes.

"Team Charge is on the case, Pyrope," Aradia agrees, and lets Tavros handle the paperwork while she starts googling the rules for blackjack.

Two hours of trying to figure it out later, Tavros is a master. (He suggests Aradia stick to the slots, since she calls for another hit until she busts literally every time.)

\---

"Wow, we clean up well," Aradia says. She'd settled on wearing a pants suit, because it meant she could stuff the rules of poker into a paper in her best pocket. Tavros even bothered to wear pants over his robolegs, and together she thinks they have as much 'swag' as they could possibly manage!

"Wow, you guys look like such tryhards."

Aradia turns around to scowl at Sollux, good-naturedly. "That's rich coming from a guy wearing jeans so wrinkled they have to be dirty," she says, and then sniffs the air around him. "Wow, yeah, definitely dirty."

"Screw you, AA," Sollux grumbles, "anyway. I'm here for FF. She says anything Ampora is doing in there isn't connected to us at all, so you can do whatever you want."

"Sollux, don't say that," Tavros whimpers.

"I am totally breaking a slot machine before we leave," Aradia informs him. 

"You're not breaking a slot machine," Tavros answers, and brushes his fingertips over the back of her hand. "That would _definitely_ blow our cover."

Sollux coughs, looking a little flushed. "Just--anybody in there besides KK and Zahhak aren't friendlies," he warns, lamely, "be careful."

Aradia tosses a salute at Sollux, and offers her left arm to Tavros.

"Don't lose all your money at the slots!"

"Go away, Sollux."

\---

They actually manage not to look completely out of place in the lobby, since Ampora's clientele seems to include carapaces, humans and trolls from every caste, instead of blues and up. Still, Aradia is stiff against his arm.

"Aradia. Tavros," says a familiar voice from their left. Next to him, Aradia draws herself up to her full height. (Which is half a head on Tavros and shorter than that on Equius, and he knows she hates every inch of the gap.) Then she manages half of a smile, and nods a greeting to Ampora's massive bodyguard.

"Equius," she greets, and there's some steel in her voice when she continues, "good morning. I need to talk to you-- _alone_. Where's your boss?"

"Ampora is greeting some of his personal guests," Equius says, and sure enough a seadweller in an ostentatious purple-and-gold brocade cape is deep in conversation with a trio of well-dressed human women, most of his attentions on the short-haired blonde woman who seems to be their ringleader.

"Good," Aradia says, "I hope he stays there all night. Tavros, you should try to find Karkat! You, walk with me."

When Tavros leaves, Equius is looking very--damp. Tavros puts the image out of his head with a shudder and steps carefully onto the casino floor, aware of his horns as he slides between tables to a three-quarters-full table at a corner. The dealer is a short, thick-chested troll in a black vest. Even at ten sweeps, Karkat's still hasn't grown much.

There's no sign about mid-round deal-ins, so Tavros settles in the empty chair. He nods at the dapper-looking trio of carapaces (two black and one white) sharing his space, and then turns his attention on Karkat. "Hi, Karkat," he says.

Karkat nearly drops his deck mid-shuffle. "Oh great stuttering troll Jesus, not you," Karkat groans.

"It's very nice to see you, too," Tavros says, and then reaches into the pocket of his suit. When he slides the twenty-dollar bill on the table Karkat stares at it with what looks like annoyed disbelief, and then pulls the bill toward himself and slides Tavros his chips, muttering under his breath. (Clearly the carapace trio have been here a while, since they show as much reaction to Karkat being himself as Tavros does, which is not much at all.)

Tavros busts for three rounds in a row, and on the fourth one of the carapaces gets blackjack. Karkat nearly bursts into a curse, but manages to choke it down, and pays him. After a minute of counting chips and whispering between themselves, Tavros is alone at the table with Karkat. He comes out on top in the fourth hand, and when Karkat hands him his winnings there's a white strip of paper between two of the bills. Tavros folds it into his palm and nods goodbye to Karkat, flicking open Trollian on his phone.

****  
adiosToreador [AT] began trolling  apocalypseArisen [AA] at 23:19  
AT: aRADIA  
AT: rOOM 370,  
AT: i'LL SEE YOU THERE IN TEN,  
AA: oh  
AA: tavros  
AA: yes  
AA: ok  
AA: i will see you then  
AT: aRE YOU ALL RIGHT, yOU SEEM DISTRACTED BY SOMETHING,  
AT: iS IT eQUIUS, pLEASE DON'T GET INTO A FIGHT WITH HIM RIGHT NOW,  
AA: its nothing  
AT: aRADIA,  
AA: that fishy toolbag ampora made fun of my blazer is all  
AA: its n0t a big deal  
AA: just  
AA: he wears a cape  
AA: a cape tavros  
AA: hes lucky i didnt punch him  
AA: im leaving now  
AT: bE CAREFUL  
adiosToreador [AT] ceased trolling apocalypseArisen [AA] at 23:25 

\---

"I need more details than that," Aradia says, crossing her arms over her chest.

"I simply have nothing else left to offer you, Aradia," Equius answers. He looks a little blue in the face (more so than usual). Not for the first time, Aradia wants to murder him. "You were hired by Nepeta's 100dicrous _roleplay buddy_. You're barely even a detective. If the seadweller prince discovers your treachery his revenge will be swift and painful, for--for you especially." He has the balls to look embarrassed.

"The last thing I need is some blue-blood pervert worrying about my safety. I can handle myself, and so can Tavros! Now give me the name of the files I'm looking for."

Whatever Equius is about to say next is cut off by his phone ringing. He reaches up to tap his Bluetooth earpiece. Aradia can just barely make out a high-pitched tinny version of a certain Alterian Ambassador-slash-former-Imperial-Heiress, and she doesn't sound happy. Part of Aradia thinks the fact that Feferi knows Equius well enough to predict this is kind of funny, but the rest is annoyed Feferi employs such a hemocasteist weirdo. When he hangs up, Equius' forehead is covered in a light blue sweat-sheen.

"Feferi said to cooperate," Aradia guesses.

"The former Heiress reminded me why you're here," Equius admits. Then he reaches into an inner pocket of his blazer, and pulls out a silver USB on a lanyard. "Plug it into his laptop," he says, "it'll do the job for you."

"Thank you," Aradia says, summoning a smile. She slips it over her head, tugging her hair out of the loop, and tucks it under her collar. Not a moment too soon, either, because as soon as its hidden the ridiculous accent of an amphibious seadweller pricks her aural canals.

"I dunno wwhen that blazer wwent outta style, but it's vvery clear it did, huh?"

It takes a minute and a glance around to be _absolutely_ sure he's talking about her. When she proves to be the only person in a blazer in the lobby (besides the security guards), Aradia is only saved from _actually_ springing at him by the buzzing of her cell phone.

It's Tavros.

'Room 370', he says, and she offers Equius a 'thank you' that actually manages to be sincere. Time to get to work.

\---

" _This_ is Karkat's great infiltration plan?! Cleaning uniforms?! We look like some kind of hemocasteist ash-porn! I bet _Equius_ was involved in this."

"I doubt that," Tavros says, "for one, how would he even see us, and for two, Karkat's a lowblood, too, so making fun of us would be out of character."

Aradia sighs. "I know," she says, and follows him (and the terse directions Karkat has left with their disguises) to the end of the hallway and up a flight of maintenance stairs in a hallway nearly too thin for Tavros' hornspan. When they reach the top, they're not alone.

Tavros freezes, but Ampora's back is to them, and he's distracted by the slight blonde woman Aradia recognizes from the lobby. She's busy whispering something into his ear, and when she opens her eyes she has full view of them. Then, to Aradia's surprise, she smiles and _winks_.

"Show me your wand collection," she purrs. Somehow Aradia thinks the innuendo is on purpose.

"Wwell, sure," Eridan says, sounding flustered--Aradia's not sure he wants to know what their unlikely savior is doing to him--and his back remains to them as they leave for a connected room.

Now's their chance, Aradia realizes, and she rushes to Ampora's desk. His laptop is sitting open on the desk next to a stack of notepads Aradia would be willing to bet are filled with awful poetry or dastardly villain plans (or an unholy combination of both, maybe--awful dastardly villain poetry plans?). A moment of fiddling with the USB later, Aradia slides the data stick into an empty slot. The program works automatically, and Aradia settles back into Ampora's plush desk chair to wait. Tavros is flicking through files from a folder on a side table, his eyebrows drawn down intently. He looks rough and massive on Ampora's fancy couch, Aradia thinks, and she smiles to herself.

"Eridaaaaaaaan, I'm hoooooooome!"

Aradia stiffens. She'd recognize that rough voice anywhere. _Vriska Serket_. Tavros closes the file he was looking through, and stands with care. He looks tense. "How close to done are you?" he whispers.

"88%," Aradia says, nearly groaning with the irony.

"Oh my god, you're _Rose Lalonde!_ "

"I'm sure you have me confused with someone else..."

"No, Agent 004, you're not!"

"Vvris, did you bring a gun into my casino?!"

"Who do you think I am, Ampora? Of course I did!"

"We are so not getting paid enough for a gunfight," Aradia hisses. She hadn't even brought a handgun, she couldn't fit one in her suit. The programs dings just as a gunshot rings out, and then Eridan begins to wail about something being broken. The Agent--Rose Lalonde--says something disparaging about Vriska's aim before a second, different gunshot echoes. Aradia nearly cracks up when Vriska shrieks, "Where did you even _stow_ that, Lalonde?!", but she manages to hold it in, stowing the USB around her neck.

"Vvris, don't--" "Shut up Ampora!"

A thunk, a thud, and a groan later, Lalonde laughs. "Knocking out your friends, Serket? I don't think Ampora will appreciate that when he wakes up."

Aradia and Tavros exchange a look. "I think she's got this under control," she says, "let's go?" 

Tavros nods, and lets her lead the way back down to their hotel room. One quick change later, and they're just two more guests leaving the lobby.

\---

"Agent 004 says thank you not busting in to save her," Feferi says when they're at lunch with her, Sollux and Terezi a day later. "She only sounded a little sarcastic, which, for her, is basically a ringing endorsement! I think Vriska ruined one of her operations once, she was glad for the revenge."

"We are _not_ getting paid enough for a gunfight," Aradia says, primly.

Terezi's grin is friendly but, somehow, threatening, like a shark's. "Which is why I am including a bonus! You've earned it."

"The information we got off of EQ's data stick plus what Lalonde got us should be more than enough to put Vriska and Ampora the Douchelord away for a while," Sollux interrupts, "at least until they get busted out by Sn0wman and the Felt."

"I _told_ you, I'll handle Sn0wman," Feferi says, which sparks a lively three-way argument between Feferi, Sollux and Terezi.

"What do you say we go home?" Aradia hisses in Tavros' ear.

"Sure," Tavros whispers back.

"We're gonna go," Aradia says, "have a good time!"

As they're walking away, Aradia's phone rings. An unlisted number; Aradia answers with wariness. "Hello?" she says.

"This is Rose Lalonde," says the agent, her voice low in Aradia's ear, "I was wondering if you wanted to meet for coffee tonight?"

"Sorry," Aradia says, "I have a date."

She hangs up. Tavros raises her eyebrows at her, and Aradia bumps her shoulder against his. "Nothing," she says, "come on."

\---

They're sprawled together on the couch, a game of Fiduspawn dealt on the coffee table in front of them. Aradia is wrapped in a blanket covered in dragons (a gift from Terezi), her feet in Tavros' lap. "What is Troll James Bond _doing?_ " Aradia demands, looking up from her hand. She's got nothing--Tavros is kicking her ass. (As usual.) "This is why Troll Indiana Jones is so much better."

"I think you're just projecting your own feelings of wanting to be a dungeon adventurer on Troll James Bond," Tavros says, "he's actually doing really well! Maybe it's just the movie but a pitch game seems much harder than a shoe game, maybe I should try that the next time we get paid..."

"Tavros, you're only allowed to be a fan of _one_ card game," Aradia says, laughing.

**Author's Note:**

> Image 1 drawn by [Recca](http://reccaneer.tumblr.com/); Image 2 drawn by [Hikaru](http://heecawroo.tumblr.com/); Image 3 drawn by [Rachel](http://mewtini.tumblr.com/)


End file.
